Be Free "Mmmmm"! Be Free!

"Why do you keep do you keep doing that?  Are you tired?"  -were the words that came out of my husband's mouth at dinner.  I didn't even realize I was doing it.  Here's the story:

 Earlier in the day, I was doing one of the focus activities for my Eat 2 Liv program.  This particular activity required that I eat something intentionally.  So I got some Guittard chocolate chips and based on the description of the activity, ate them one chip at a time, reminding myself each time that "I have food in my mouth".  

It's funny that you would have to remind yourself that often that you have food in your mouth, but well, I do!  I was amazed at how fast I zoned out with my treat and had to refocus.  "I have food in my mouth- oh and it's yummy."  "I have a yummy treat in my mouth, I'd better enjoy it!" 

Anyway, each time I reminded myself I had something in my mouth, I let out an involuntary "Mmmmm!"   Well somewhat involuntary.  I honestly was enjoying each little chip, because I was reminding myself to.  And so that little "Mmmmm", that is just waiting inside to be let out, was set free.  I think he's always there, and this time I didn't hold him in. 

Anyway, come dinner time, apparently I am "Mmmmm"ing over everything.  And that let my husband to question my sleep state.  But really it was me savoring every bite, without restraining my "Mmmmm!"

And Mmmmm is life good!

True/False Game

I had a friend who posed the question, "How do you really get past the number on the scale?" 

I have given it a lot of thought and determined that I went in to the wrong field of study.  I have a degree in nutrition and what I really needed was a degree in psychology. 

All I can say, is that I feel strongly about the principles, but like anyone else, I struggle knowing how to really apply them.  However, during the course of my thinking on the subject I decided to play what I call the "True/False Game."  I have discovered it as a way to calm my anxiety over many things by differentiating valid concerns from erroneous thoughts. 

So here is my real live internal conversation with myself.  The True/False Game!

"I have to lose weight . . . False
I want to lose weight . . . True
I want to lose weight to be more healthy . . . False

I want to lose weight to get rid of the tummy pouch so people won't think I am pregnant . . . True
145 is the number on the scale that I believe correlates with no more tummy pouch . . . True
When the number on the scale is 145 I will no longer have a tummy pouch . . . False
So the number on the scale is actually not a valid indicator of my goal . . . True
Getting rid of the tummy pouch is enough motivation to get going on eating better and exercising more . . . False

Hmmm, what would be an adequate motivator?
Probably something related to the kids . . . True
Well that makes sense, because when do I ever get to do something for myself . . . True

I want my children to remember me as the mom who rode bikes with them . . . True
I want my children to experience nature, because I take them on walks and I show them nature . . . True
I want my children to love a variety of food and to appreciate the joy of picking it right off the tree or off the plant . . . True

I want to eat better and move more so that our family establishes patterns of healthy living to find the greatest joy and happiness in life and in the world around us . . . True
That is enough to motivate me . . . TRUE!

The deeper and deeper I dive into healthy eating and intentional living, I realize that these are not things I can explain to anyone else adequately.  It's only a path I can lead people down to discover for themselves where joy is to be found. 

I have noticed in playing the True/False game, when my thoughts start to turn to more and more statements that I can mark as true- I am creating solutions.  Try it out yourself next time your are overwhelmed with your own thoughts/feelings and searching for truth! 

A Most Insightful Frustration

I think that most of us have a magic number in mind when it comes to our ideal weight.  What tells us that is the weight we should be?  Maybe a weight that we used to be (in highschool, before we got married, before we had kids) or like for me, a chart or equation.

My ideal weight number came from an equation that we used every day to calculate ideal weight in the hospital.  I am a female at 5'9 and my ideal weight is calculated with 100 pounds for the first 5 feet and 5 pounds per inch after that.  So my magic 'number' is 145.

Well over the course of the Fit in 6 program and now participation, along side my pilot group, in my own Eat 2 Liv program, I have seen that number come and go.  I have overshot my goal.  And now I am actually feeling some anxiety over my preconceived notion that 145 was my number.  "I am not supposed to continue to lose weight beyond that!"

Please don't think I am trying to minimize anyone's frustration in even getting down to their 'number'.  I recognize that many may wish they had my problem.  But my reality is, like anyone else's, a need to let go of the 'number' and engage in a healthy lifestyle letting my body settle where it may. 

For me it has been a most insightful frustration.  I didn't think that I was the person who needed to move past the number.  I honestly thought I was the informed, educated dietitian who understood alternate measures of success and as ridiculous as it sounds- I knew, without a doubt, what my number should be.   

But it turns out I have the same lesson to learn as everyone else- Let go of the number, and just LIVE!  

20 minutes till you can recognize you are full? Baloney!

I am not sure how I missed this in school, but I have always had a hard time believing that when your brain can send and receive messages so instantaneously, that it would really take 20 minutes for your stomach to send a message to your brain that it is filled with food, then your brain to interpret that as enough, and send a message to your stomach to start telling you that you can stop filling it with food.  I just has never made sense to me. 

Another dietitian, who has done a lot of work in the area of mindful eating, explained it this way:  It takes 20 minutes for the food in your mouth to make its full journey through your stomach and intestines, with absorption into your blood stream.  Your brain then signals that you are done eating when it senses the change in nutrient level of your blood.  

Okay that makes more sense.  Like I said, I don't know how I missed that obvious explanation in school.  Pondering on it in that light gives a better overall perspective as to why we eat- TO NOURISH our bodies.  When our bodies need nourishment, our hunger kicks in to alert us.  When we have been nourished adequately, our satiety kicks in to tell us we are satisfied.

Do you feel differently about your hunger/fullness cues understanding them to simply be biologic triggers for nourishment?  Would you treat them differently recognizing their purpose?  Might we choose to be more mindful of what we feed our bodies when we feel hungry, and keep from overfeeding our bodies when we feel full? 

Next time you feel hungry you don't have to do anything else, except at least think "I need nourishment"- your choices from there are completely in your hands.  Same goes with fullness.  Once you have obtained a pleasant level of fullness- think "I have been nourished".  Your choices from there are up to you.  At least give an appropriate interpretation of the sensations you are feeling.

The final results . . . and final thoughts.

Well I was going to post a final update on my experience with the Fit in 6 program yesterday, but then decided to wait till today after the official competition results were in. 

I had an incredibly difficult weekend.  My husband made a black forest cake and the chocolate cake scraps on the counter were calling my name.  I totally gave in and ate 1.5 of my free indulgences worth of the cake scraps.  I tried really hard to eat mindfully, paying attention to the flavors and textures, but mostly just wanted to eat it by the mouthful.  I will tell you was delicious and totally hit the spot.  However, I was then left again without any free indulgences as the weekend began. 

We had a big lunch for a family occasion on Saturday and that's where the black forest cake was served.  I had to have a bite or 10.  Then we went out to dinner than night, because we were just coming back into town and everyone was starving.  I was just concluding one 6 week program and about to start into another one (my own Eat 2 Liv program) and wanted more than anything to just eat what I wanted.  I made a conscious choice to enjoy my meal with my family and not give up all of my satisfaction, just for points.  Now, I was still reasonable, but some of the things I chose to eat gave me negative points because my free indulgences were all used up.

Want to know what was totally worth the negative points?  The yummy Sizzler white dinner roll, and real live ranch dressing on my salad.  I didn't even hit the dessert bar, because I was already satisfied.  I took a look at it, but nothing looked absolutely fabulous, so I passed.  It wasn't a matter of self control- had I really wanted it, I would have eaten it.  But it was a matter of listening to my body and mind, and realizing that I was satisfied where I stood, even without dessert. 

I came up with another truism "My body is not a take home container!"  So obviously we were at Sizzler with an all you can eat salad bar.  I, being the penny pincher that I am, would normally gorge myself on "all I could eat".  Why?  I have a couple of good excuses ('I don't want to be hungry later', or 'Dang it, I paid $10 for this buffet and I'm not leaving until I got a deal').  But no good reasons- are there any good reasons for eating yourself sick?  Really, if $10-$15 is too much to pay for a normal amount of food, then don't go to that restaurant. 

You're body is not a take home container!

 Okay, enough rambling.  The results for the Fit in 6 program . . . Nothing!  If fact I had a friend that was at least a couple hundred points above me and she didn't even get first or second place.  I must have been down near the bottom- it's because of all of my rebelling against the no eating after 8 PM rule.  

That's okay.  It was great motivation and I am so pleased with the healthier habits I have created over the last 6 weeks.  Thanks to everyone for your support and for joining me on this journey.  I intend to continue posting here as I continue my own educational journey on healthy eating.  But you won't see posts with the same frequency as I will be spending a lot of my time assisting others on their journey to LIVING through my Eat 2 Liv program.

Wk 6/Day 40- Bad Cookies

Since we are on fall break from school, I decided to be the best active mom ever and enjoy some activities of living.  I packed up my 3 little boys along with a lunch and decided to bike to a park we don't usually visit.  I worked hard to pack up a healthy lunch of turkey sandwiches, apples, and carrot sticks, crackers, and of course cookies.  Packed water for everyone, bandaids for any scraped knees, diaper and wipes for the baby, a change of underwear just in case, helmets, and of course children and bicycles.  Just the preparation was a workout.  

We set out, ready for some fun.  Only made it about 1/2 way to the park, when my oldest ran over a goathead weed.  The thorny weed imbedded itself and wrapped all the way around his tire.  So we had to stop and untangle his bike.  As I pulled off the weed, I could hear the tire air escaping.  So what more can you do now, then head home as quickly as possible? 

We were almost home, when I realized the bike tire was still holding up pretty well, so we continued on to the elementary school.  We ate lunch on the top platform of the kindergarten playgroud- fun atmosphere.   I had packed 2 cookies for each of us and had planned to use one of my indulgences to have 2 Keebler Coconut Dreams.  

I say planned, because I closed my eyes to savor the first one and realized it wasn't really that good.  It certainly wasn't worth using up my free indulgence on crappy caramel, mediocre coconut, and really crappy chocolate, even on decent shortbread.  So although I was sad I didn't get a yummy treat, I didn't finish my 2 cookies.  Not worth the calories! 

Wk 6/Day 39- Dancing around with maseca flour and elbowroni

I had a fun experience with one of the bonus challenges this week.  I was supposed to wear a backpack while exercising with added weight equal to that which I had lost.  So I got my sons Lightening McQueen backpack and filled it with 6 pounds of maseca flour and elbow macaroni.  Then I danced around to my Zumba DVD.  I took it off 1/2 way through and felt like a champ.  It was amazing to take off just 6 pounds of weight.  It was a neat way to celebrate the changes I had made.

A friend asked me the other day, how things were going with the diet.  I replied with a kind of  "ehh!" and accompanying shoulder shrug.  She said "well you've lost weight!"  Only a few pounds.  "But don't you feel great?"  I didn't know how to answer that one.

Yes, I am pleased with the changes I have made in my routine that make me more aware of my choices- no more mindless grazing on my kids random leftover food.  I feel more drive to actually get involved and play with my kids.  I have learned that even though certain treats are sweet, they actually don't taste that good and aren't worth the indulgence.  But I really can't say I feel so much better, because I am eating more fruits and veggies and fewer sweets.

My prevailing feeling is that I am absolutely sick of the external diet rules.  I am sick of a little chart on my fridge dictating what I must eat and what I can't eat.  I am just ready to be done.  Looking forward to Monday morning when I can have full sugar jam on my toast, and not have to force in one more serving of carrots before 8 PM. 

This picture seemed just to sum up how I feel about carrots right now!  They are my main source of veggie points and I am getting sick of them, but they sit in front of me taunting me to eat more, because dang it, I want the points!

Wk 6/Day 38- Alternate Measures of Success

Why do we think the numbers on the scale matter so much?  Can you guys tell what my number is by looking at me?  Somehow we seem to think we walk around broadcasting our "number" instead of presenting our whole selves, and thus we stress so much about that number.  

How would you be able to tell that I have lost some weight?  My pants don't fit because I don't have a bum anymore.  I am not sure I consider that success?!  Apparently my most important energy reserves are muffin top tummy (you know the role that sticks out over your jeans just like . . . well, a muffin top), because that remains intact! 

Desire for weight loss comes from 2 categories (I am totally generalizing on this- feel free to call me out, if I am absolutely wrong)

1. Internal reasons- to reduce disease risk or complications, have better stamina, more vitality for life 
2. External reasons- to reduce peer pressure, have better sense of self worth (I put this in the external category because without external influence I'm not sure our self worth would be determined by our weight), to wear that cute skirt bought years ago, to fit in a desired category assigned by makers of the BMI charts

Forgive my generalizations, here's the point I am trying to make.  Unless your only reason is to fit in the "good" category on the BMI charts, then the numbers on the scale report very little of your success.  

If your clothes are fitting better, if you're seeing improvements in your lipid panel or blood glucose level, if you have more stamina and love for life, if you are losing inches even without pounds- You are successful!  Don't let the numbers on the scale try to talk you out of that.  People can see your vitality, they can't see your number- let these alternate measures of success matter most to you!

Wk 6/Day 37- The Joy of a Full Swallow

I have been thinking a lot about the results of my mindfulness exercise with my family on Sunday.  My dad pointed out that his pleasure in eating comes, not from savoring something in tiny tastes, but in the joy of a full swallow.  Can you relate? 

I can!  For some reason waffles are something I enjoy swallowing in large bites.  I like the way it feels as it stretches my throat on the way down. 

Maybe you think we are strange, or maybe you totally get it.  However, during the mindfulness exercise with the apple pie (see yesterday's post) my dad dug his feet in a little.  He tried to savor the flavor and texture of a small bite, but said it just didn't do it for him.  He liked to take large bites and large swallows. 

I must say I spent too much energy trying to convince him to do it my way, because now I realize what I was missing.  I can provide suggestions where someone can pay more attention and find joy, but I can't alter what they find joyful!  

My dad had figured out what it was that gave him pleasure in eating.  It wasn't what I found most joyful, but the joy of a large swallow is what satisfied him in the end.  My attempts to change that, if followed, would probably leave him feeling unsatisfied with eating and totally defeat the purpose!  So instead I say "good on ya, Dad!  You have figured out what it is to find joy in your eating."

May we all take the path to discover where the joy is to be found in our eating, and then mindfully tune in to that which we find joyful, in order to find more satisfaction with the bounty of life!

Wk 6/Day 36- Children are Always Listening

Children are always listening!

Last night I was at my parent's house with family and the conversation turned to my theories on life and eating.  At one point I decided to lead my family in a mindful eating exercise (the one I posted a week or so ago).  We each sat down with some apple pie and looked at it, smelled it, tasted it, felt it with our tongues, savored it and swallowed it.  At the end of the first bite I asked them to stop for a second, take a deep breath, and make sure they were focused and ready to enjoy the next bite.

I was doing this for the sake of the adults.  I didn't think that my children were listening until my 3 year old exclaimed "I don't want to stop.  I'm already enjoying it!"  I have no doubt that he was!  He wouldn't let outside influence keep him from enjoying it.  He was savoring it, without any need to refocus his attention on what was in his mouth- He was "already enjoying it!" 

Then later as we were talking about the experience as adults, my 3 year old explains, in a very matter of fact tone (as if he is leading others through the exercise) "You chew your food.  You swallow.  And you don't put your elbow in your food or it will get sticky!"  

So if my exercise in mindfulness doesn't do it for you- Try his out!

Well, I made it through my perfect points week!  Hip hip hooray!  The place where I lose the most points is the eating after 8 PM rule.  However, last week I adjusted our eating times to more closely reflect what I determined was my inner eating schedule. 

Specifically, I prepared an intentional snack at about 3:30 PM when my oldest got home from school.  I determined this was perfect opportunity to sit around the table with a snack and ask him about his day.  Then, since we all were satisfied at 3:30, we definitely lasted until 6:30-7 PM for dinner.  When we had dinner at 7 instead of 5:30- no one went to bed hungry!  I think that is the solution for my family. 

Wk 5/Day 33- The Ultimate Goal

I was absolutely shocked that I just typed Wk 5/Day 33- Have I really been doing this for that long?

I will tell you these last 2 weeks have been much easier.  I think it just took a re-commitment, at the end of week 3, to the reasons I was doing this in the first place:

1. Prize money- maybe not a good reason, but definitely a motivator for this little penny pincher
2. Better family activity and eating habits  - More family walks and more fruits and veggies
3. For everyone that has been wonderful to support this experiment and has found validation and truth in reading my experiences with dieting. 

Don't worry I am not signing off!  But I will be very busy getting everything ready for my Eat 2 Liv program that pilots Oct 15th.

E-mail me here if you are interested in joining us: eat2liv@live.com

Now for my ultimate goal this week.  Several of the other participants in the Fit in 6 group mentioned their goal to have a perfect points week- 1060 points!  It had never crossed my mind to torture myself like that, but I decided that if I am going to experience this to it's fullest, I must also work on a perfect points week.

I didn't want to mention it before, for fear I would jinx myself.  But this week has been my path to perfection week.  So far, so good- 4 days down, 3 to go.  I choose to make this known now, so that as we go into the weekend, I'm accountable.

I only have 1 free indulgence left and I am saving it for General Conference sweet rolls Sunday morning.  Let's hope I can stop at just one!  (Actually I'll probably save another one for Monday morning when the points start over!- YUM!)

Wk 5/Day 32- Origins of the Eat 2 Liv Program

Several months ago, I started a journey seeking nutritional truth.  I was frustrated over being bombarded with external messages about good foods, bad foods, super foods, evil foods, that even as a Registered Dietitian, I didn't know what to believe.  Can you relate to the feeling?

I have never been one to argue on topics of nutrition.  When someone has a differing opinion I typically smile and nod.  I usually would only open my mouth if they specifically asked for my thoughts or if I felt like something they are doing could be harmful to themselves or others.  It's usually better that way, people like me better when I keep my mouth shut.  But part of it was, I usually didn't have a strong conviction of my side of what we were debating. 

Again the messages of claimed nutritional "fact" were so jumbled around in my brain, I didn't feel like I knew anything sometimes.  Quite frustrating when I am supposed to be the one others seek, for guidance on eating.

I spent a lot of time considering what I had learned in school, what I had experienced in the workplace, and what current research was telling me.  I spent a lot of time praying and pondering to distinguish truth from error, or even "almost truth" from truth.  

This diet has lead me down a new path of experience and has helped me solidify my feelings on the topic of dieting.  I have come to some conclusions on healthy eating, that are based not only on what makes sense, but on what feels right.  

It makes sense that our wonderfully complex bodies are engineered with clues (cues) on how to take care of them.  We don't have to guess when we should feed them- they tell us- HUNGER.  We don't have to guess how much is enough- our bodies tells us- FULLNESS.  In fact, we don't even have to chemically figure out how to compile our food into the correct nutritional profile- it grows, in a beautiful variety, from the earth we live on.

My ultimate conclusion is human nutrition is insanely complex, but healthy eating is not.  Re-learning to read and trust our inner cues may be difficult, but that is where our focus needs to be.  Not on "what" to eat, or even "how much" to eat, but "how" to eat so that we are empowered to make our own decisions on what and how much.  Maybe that sounds a little scary when you aren't sure you can trust yourself with food.  But as the end goal, doesn't that just feel right?

The Eat 2 Liv program is based on just that.  Learning "how to" eat, so that you have the knowledge and tools to decide what is right for you.

Check it out, if you haven't already- Click Here.   And let me know if you are interested in participating in the pilot program running Oct 15-Nov 25.  Limited spots are available.  The program is conducted online, so you can participate from anywhere.

Wk 5/Day 30- "I'm on a diet!"

You don't know how many times I have talked to a client about healthy options when eating out.  I am certain nearly every time, I have told them to "make your waitress work for you.  Drill her on what comes with each dish and what changes you can make to fit within your meal plan." 

I am only realizing now what I was asking them to do.  "Go into a restaurant, sit down with a group of friends or family and make a total ninny of yourself."

I consider myself fairly restaurant conscious and don't consider it a big deal to ask what low calorie salad dressings they have, but I start to feel like an idiot when that branches into questions like "is your mozzarella cheese, part skim?"  "Is your whole wheat dinner roll, really whole wheat?  Could you check for me?"

I feel like I have to end each question with the explanation "I'm on a diet".  Which I have a hard time keeping a straight face for, because this is not like me.  Then I feel like I have to further explain what it is I am doing as a dietitian on a diet and give them a business card that refers them to this blog.  (Though maybe I should do it for some marketing- Hmmm!)

I just want to say to anyone who has sat with me as a dietitian, I am sorry I made it sound like drilling your waitress wasn't a big deal.  Some of my waitresses have been wonderful and can confidently answer any question I throw at them.  Others have been a little overwhelmed, when they are struggling to answer the questions.  And others are just flat out annoyed, that I am questioning their menu. 

Not that we don't have a right to ask questions and receive answers, to make choices (we are paying them for their service), but I recognize now, that it's a bigger deal from the perspective of the dieter than I thought.  Thank goodness for the internet, where you can research some choices before you go. 

Wk 5/Day 29- Throwing Meal Time out the Window

In a book I have been reading it poses the question- Do you eat just because it's meal time or because you are actually ready for a meal?  I have been interested to figure out for myself when I would eat, if I only ate for hunger's sake.

After a week of observations, here's what I determined:

I'm ravenous when I wake up in the morning. So I typically eat something small at about 6:30 a.m. Then I'm ready for 2nd breakfast around 10 a.m. (Yes, I'm a hobbit).  This breakfast is a little more substantial.

Then after eating a fairly large meal at 10 a.m. I am not hungry again until about 3:00 P.M.  Which interesting enough, has always correlated with my "snacky time" regardless of when I last ate- I think 3:00 is just a time when my biologic clock wants food.  I think I really do need a mini meal there, instead of mindlessly wandering the kitchen for snacks.

Then after "lunch" at 3 p.m. I am not hungry for dinner until about 7 p.m.  I quite often sit down to dinner at 5:30 and eat, not because I'm hungry, but because dinner is on the table and I don't want to be hungry later.  But funny thing- eating at 5:30, means I'm not hungry before 8, but starving at about 9:30 p.m.  So I end up eating and missing my "no eating after 8 p.m." points.

Who says we have to eat at 8 a.m. 12 p.m.noon and 6 p.m?  I am going to rebel against convention a little bit and instead follow the dictates of my own biologic clock.  We shall see how it goes.

I understand that logically speaking we can't be a waitress to the rest of the family making them food whenever each one determines he/she is hungry.   But perhaps, if I pay more attention, I will find my children's inner clocks are more similar to mine, than to the rules of society that dictate our meal times. 

Try it out- set aside a day when you only eat for hunger's sake and just see if you learn anything new about your biologic clock, when all convention is set aside. 

Wk 4/Day 26- Points, Points, Points- Oh Geez!

Apparently points are a good motivator for me.  Well, apparently they are a huge motivator for me and I think I need some balance.  If points are my only motivator, when the 6 weeks are over, so are my good habits.  But, I'm not going to lie, I'm already planning my binge for the end!

You want some honest evidence that the points have become a little too motivating?

2 real thoughts yesterday:

• "No my dear son, I do not want to ride bikes with you around the block again.  I have already gotten my 46 minutes of exercise and I don't get any more points for doing more than that.  In fact we will probably drive to pick up your brother from school, because with all of the block circling we did today, there's no point (literally) to walking over there."
• "Thank you for offering me a strawberry.  It sounds good but what I really need is a vegetable serving.  Eating more fruit isn't going to get me any more points. (and isn't that what eating fruit is about?)"

Now, I did catch myself in this erroneous thinking.  I remembered that my call is for people to focus on the Activities of Living and not so much exercise or exercise points.  Certainly, joining my son on a bike ride for fun and enjoying a walk to pick up my oldest from school is LIVING.

P.S. I really was too worn out to circle the block even 1 more time and needed to get everyone some lunch, but we did walk to school later.  And stupid me didn't eat the strawberry, nor did I get up to get a veggie snack.  Lost opportunity on both accounts.


Here's what I believe will continue in my own habits after the program has ended: 

• Exercise.  I've gotten into a good routine and have found a lot of enjoyment in a combination of cardio, strengthening, and stretching.  I have in the past primarily focused on cardio and 45 minutes of jumping jacks is a hard thing to stay motivated on.  Now I march around my living room with handweights or sit down and stretch, while I talk to my husband in the kitchen- It's been fun. 
• Focus on a variety of grains.  Because I haven't been able to eat anything with white flour, we've branched out a little in our use of grains- steel cut oats, couscous (okay this is primarily semolina flour, but it's a least added some variety to our diet), and quinoa.
• Fruit intake.  Since I have been buying more fruits to have around, we have been eating them more and I have been turning to them more often to satisfy a need for something sweet.  
• Consistent Scripture Study. What a well balanced program to incorporate spiritual aspects into fitness.  It has gotten me into a good habit of really reading and not just skimming something before I go to bed.

Wk 4/Day 25- Mmmmm!

This is an article I wrote as a resource on my new website.  
It's almost ready for the big reveal!

An Exercise in Mindfulness

Go get your favorite treat- Right Now!  Come back, sit down with it, and get ready to experience it on a whole new level.

1. Experience your treat with all of your senses.  

First look at it closely- notice the texture, color,  and sheen.  Notice any variety of color or texture across the food.

Next smell it- does it have a strong smell?  Do have any memories that come to mind because of the smell?  Does that add to the experience?  

Now touch it- is it hot/cold?  smooth/rough?  Is it brittle or flexible?  

Does it make any sound when you smash it or pinch it?

 2. Take 1 bite.  I'm not going to tell you how big the bite should be, that's for you to decide.  As you move through this exercise, try different size bites to see how your experience differs.

3. Focus on what is in your mouth. 
Now the experience is in your mouth, so close your eyes.  Put any utensils down and put your hands in your lap.  
Taste it- where can you taste it the most?  Tip of your tongue, side, middle or back of your tongue?  What do you like best about the flavor?  Are there any parts to the flavor that you don't care for?
Focus on what it feels like- are there different textures to it?  Does it feel different on your lips, tongue, inside your cheek?  Is it hot/cold?  What do you like best about the texture?  Is there any part of the texture you don't care for?
Can you still smell it?  Check by pinching your nose and see if that effects how it tastes.
Listen to any crunching or other sounds as you chew.  Would the experience be different if it were missing it's characteristic sound?

4. Pay attention to why you swallow.  What tells you it's time to swallow?  How many chews are just right for this type of food?  Can you still taste it after you swallow?  What is the lingering taste or texture like?  What do you like or dislike about it?

5.  Intentionally exhale before taking another bite.  Can you still recall what you just experienced?  Are you ready to focus in again on the next bite?  This might be the appropriate time to exclaim "Mmmmm!"

© 2012 Kilgrow Culinary, LLC

Wk 4/Day 24- I Quit!

I would have to guess that rarely does anyone make it past week 3 of a diet- if they make it that far.

Week 3 was a killer.  Especially after a week of such strict diet rules, I was so burnt out.  I kept trying to conjure up the motivating reasons why I was doing this; and none of what I thought were my reasons were motivating enough. 

I told my husband I didn't think it was worth it to keep going.  He is usually very supportive of my decisions and I expected him to say, "Whatever you think is best, honey"- like he usually does. What a great husband I have.

Instead he told me, "You can't quit!  How are you supposed to know what it's like for everyone else?"  My silent thought was "I have learned what it's like and I hate it.  I'm done!"

He continued "What is going to make your program any different?  You have to know what week 4 is like, what week 5 is like, and what week 6 is like."

So here I am still chugging away, though I have started to mark down how often I go to bed hungry.  Which hasn't been very often lately because I haven't kept to the after 8 PM rule (no points there, but no hungry there either).  In fact, in the program I am developing, the 'no eating after 8 PM rule' will be the first to go.

Well now I've gone and said too much.  Stay Tuned . . .  

Wk 4/Day 22- Bathroom Scale: How I Hate Thee

What do you think it takes to become a foot model for a bathroom scale picture?  I promise these are not my feet.

I bought my first bathroom scale exactly 24 days ago (2 days before the start of this diet).  I have never owned one before that.  I had considered it, but always decided that I didn't want to know.  I felt I could tell adequately whether I was at a healthy weight or not, by how I felt and how my clothes fit.  And I didn't want to drive myself crazy watching numbers go up and down, up and down, as they inevitably do.  

I'm not going to lie, I did occasionally check my weight at my mom's or at work.  Gratefully, those occasional check-ins were able to show me a trend over time without the daily fluid fluctuations that will drive you mad!

I needed to invest in my own scale so I could track my weekly weights for the Fit in 6 program.  I figured my mom wouldn't let me borrow hers that long and I didn't want to pack all the kids up first thing Monday morning to go to Grandma's so mommy could weigh herself- That would totally underhand the lack of focus I was trying to bring to the whole diet thing.  Finally when my husband convinced me we could use the scale to weigh back packs for scout trips (I have 3 boys) after my challenge was over, I consented to buy one. 

I read reviews online trying to decide which scale to buy.  I mostly read the 1 star reviews, so that I knew the common complaints that people face with a product.  The complaint that my scale got over and over, was its lack of reliability.  People would explain that they weigh themselves one night and again in the morning to find they had lost 2 pounds "without exercising or anything". 

I am sure most of us realize that over the course of a day you can gain/lose up to 2 pounds (perhaps even a little more) in fluid fluctuations.   But do you really consider that when you weigh yourself and congratulate yourself for having lost weight that week "without exercising or anything" only to beat yourself up the next week because you gained those 2 pounds back? 

I know these things and still I am finding loads of frustration watching the numbers go up and down, up and down.  I lost weight the first week, gained it the 2nd week (which was the killer- no sugar week), and lost some the 3rd week.

I must remind myself we lose weight like this

 And not like this

Wk3/Day 20- Emotional Eating

I have been reading a brilliant book called "Eating the Moment" by Dr. Pavel Somov a practicing psychologist in the area of mindful eating.  In one of the chapters I read last night he discusses emotional eating.

He gave me some "food for thought" on reasons we eat to make ourselves feel better.  He explains that from birth, our parents first go-to for an upset baby is to feed it.  Many cultures, including our own, show love by providing food and treats.  In fact, our family dinner time is centered around the reality that eating, as we discuss the ups and downs of our day, is food for the soul.

He goes on to explain that instead of trying to change the fact that we go to food for comfort, we should instead make sure that our choice in coping truly helps.  Here are some of his ideas.

1. We should make a conscious choice to turn to food to cope with stress or emotion.  Not just veg out in front of the TV with a bag of potato chips, but verbally proclaim 'I feel             , I choose to eat            ,  to make me feel           .'

2. We should take the time to determine what our actual comfort foods are, instead of wasting calories on foods that don't really hit the spot.  Find the food that heals you and stock up on it.  You shouldn't make it a forbidden food, because then your emotional eating is full of guilt and doesn't really heal you.  Instead stock up and put it in a special place, then label it "medicine" as it is medicine for the soul.


3. Then carry around a little post- it pad and write yourself a prescription for some soul medicine.  This gives you at least a point to stop in a check whether the food is helping or not.  Write down "1 cup of ice cream" or "3 cookies".   Then at least stop and emotionally check whether that was enough or even the right prescription.  You can write another prescription if needed.

The point is to be mindful of what your doing, why your doing it, and whether or not it's helping.  Don't just mindlessly eat . . . let the food you choose really feed your soul.

Wk 3/Day 18- All You Can Eat Buffet

Last night we went out to eat at an all you can eat buffet.   I was way excited because I was mostly thinking about an expansive salad bar that most likely would serve lite-ranch.  I tell you, there is nothing better than a salad with all the fixings.  I was certain that this was a good idea, because with all the options available, I knew I would find plenty to eat that fit my diet rules.

When we got there, I was hungry and ready to find something yummy to eat.  As I wandered around with my empty plate, I couldn't help but notice all of the things I couldn't have.  Scones- NO.  Pizza- NO.  German chocolate cake- Naughty! 

My husband found me staring at the plate of cookies marked "sugar free".  At this moment, as I contently sit at my computer, I can't believe I was even considering bothering to eat a cookie that was sugar free.  But in that moment of deprivation it sounded pretty good.  Of course made with white flour and regular chocolate chips, I still would lose points- and a sugar free cookie is not worth that, so I passed it up.   

I went back to pile up the salad that I had so looked forward to.    Oh, it was grand!  Combination Romaine lettuce and spinach, with corn, carrots, cucumbers, cauliflower, kidney beans, raisins, sesame seeds (probably oil roasted- oops), topped with low fat cottage cheese and lite-ranch. 

After satisfying my hunger a little with a heavenly salad, I felt much better and could emotionally handle going back to the buffet for some roast, potatoes, and carrots, and some yummy squash.  I will admit, I got a piece of German chocolate cake and ate the coconut topping off with a little bit of cake for my last free 150 calorie indulgence for the week.  (Now I have to make it through the weekend without any indulgences- Hummm!)

Am I pathetic?  Or is this real?  The first week of this diet I felt empowered by it, but as it's wearing on I feel so limited by it.  I seem to remember a comment on one of my first posts indicating that as the diet wore on the feelings of deprivation grew stronger, so perhaps I am not pathetic- this is the path of everyone on a diet.  What do you think?  (Feel free to tell me I am pathetic- It's true)

Wk3/Day 16- My Secret

One of my biggest fears of this diet is that my children will find out what I am doing.  I am desperate to keep it secret from them.  Why?  Because I know the emotional detriments of dieting, and I never want my children to believe it is the way of life.

I teach my children that we can make good food choices, to take care of our bodies and make them strong.  I speak to them of the joy of our bodies and the amazing things they can do.   I find opportunities to show them the feeling of accomplishment in doing something physically challenging (like hiking to a scenic lookout).

I want them to have joy in and appreciation for their bodies and never to believe they must change them in order to be happy.  I want them to incorporate healthy eating and 'activities of living' in their lives- because that's just how we've always done things (not because "Mom's on a health kick again").


It was so hard last week when they wanted to share their treats with me.  My 3 year old is so kind  and couldn't understand why mommy was saying she didn't want any of his candy.  He knew it tasted good, knew I would find pleasure in it and therefore wanted to share.  And actually I felt like I was lying, in telling him I didn't want any of his candy.  I did want some, but I wasn't about to try to explain why I "couldn't" have any.  I don't want him to believe there are rules of eating that you have to live by when you are a certain weight or age. 

My question to the universe and to all of you, what are the true rules of eating?  I believe they are more limited in number than diet books lead us to believe and that they are unchanging- regardless of age and life situation.  What are they?  I genuinely invite your comments.

Here are my initial thoughts:

• We are meant to derive pleasure from eating and moving our bodies.
•  If we want to enjoy life to its fullest, we must be mindful of what we feed our bodies and how we treat them. 

 

Wk 3/Day 15- Nothing kills a party like . . .

Nothing kills a party like a person in the dinner group drilling the waitress on whether they can receive a discount on the meal if they forgo the dinner roll, which salad dressings are free from added fat/sugar, and whether they can have the cheese picked out of the Caesar salad.

This last week was absolutely no simple sugars week- an optional challenge which I chose to take on.  Unfortunately, this weekend, it also coincided with several family events.  I expected it to be difficult to say no to the  delicious treats and restaurant options, but was surprised that my resolve to meet the challenge this week made it easy to choose.  However, I didn't expect the emotional ride that would follow as I became the odd man out.

I lamely brought my own food into the restaurant to supplement the only dish I could find on the menu that fit the rules, soup.  I called my mom before family dinner and asked her to pick the cheese off a section of enchilada for me, before she baked it.  I quietly ate my non-sugared peaches, while the rest of the family ate birthday brownies.  It sucked!  

I am pleased to say I made it through the week and enjoyed peanut butter on my toast immediately after weighing in this morning.  Although I was strong all week against the temptation to eat anything containing sugar, I found pleasure in secretly planning what I was going to eat this week to "make up for it".

In fact, the deprivation was so overwhelming on Saturday, I made my husband take me to Subway for a sandwich all for me.  First, we responsibly researched online to determine sugar and white flour content of the different breads.  When we got there I ordered a foot long sandwich, with ham and provolone cheese and tons of veggies.  I had planned to take off the cheese and give it to my husband, but in the moment I unwrapped it, I just couldn't bear to give up the cheese.  I ate the whole foot long sandwich within about 7 minutes and, for the first time last week, felt satisfied.
P.S. I did have to subtract weekly points for eating the cheese.

My conclusion:  It was empowering to know I am stronger than my cravings, but my real conclusion is healthy eating is not restrictive dieting. 

And now, off to enjoy the brownie I swiped from the party last night. 

Wk 2/Day 12- Deep Fried Nuts- Are you kidding me?

 I was super busy yesterday working on web design for a secret project I will reveal sometime in the next few weeks.  Did you miss me?  Probably not, huh!

Thought I'd share a bit of new found knowledge with everyone in the way of a public service announcement.

We went grocery shopping at this wonderful store that has an enormous bulk bin section.  They have ALL SORTS of candy, but also different grains, beans, pastas, flours, nuts, etc.  I wanted to get some nuts for a snack since they aren't on the naughty list.  Debating between some smokey roasted almonds and just salted ones- I asked my husband which sounded better to him.

Him- "You can have nuts on this diet?"
Me- "Well of course.  They are just nuts."
Him- "But Honey, they are oil roasted."
Me- "Oil's not on the bad list- just butter and sour cream and other yummy things like that."
Him- "Do you know they are deep-fried in the oil?"

WHAT?!?

 

Later when we got home he asked me what I thought he meant when he said they were oil roasted.  Well, I thought he meant what any other human might have thought- lightly spritzed in oil and baked.  They are NUTS for goodness sake!

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that our food industry deep-fries nuts to give them a crunchy texture.  Much more efficient then tray loads of nuts in the oven.  I recognize that a nut isn't going to absorb the same amount of oil as say, a Twinkie in a vat of hot oil.  But here for the public service announcement . . . Unless nuts specify "dry roasted", they are not what you think they are!

Did you already know this?  

There is a good ending to the story.  My personal chef/husband bought me some raw almonds, took them home, and oven roasted them for me.

Wk2/Day 10- What did I just eat?

Time for me to again share my weakness.  It's the unconscious eating!  Since the bonus challenge this week is absolutely no added sugar, I have to really pay attention to what I eat.  I have never realized how often I just toss something into my mouth without a second thought.  This week it's actually causing me anxiety.  The other night I popped something in my mouth and just about had a panic attack . . . "What did I just eat?  Did it ruin everything?  Oh, thank goodness it was just a piece of chicken!  How did I get chicken in my mouth?"  Oh dear!

Our host for the fitness program, promised us that fruit would never taste so delicious as it will this week because it's essentially the only sweet thing to eat.  Boy is she right!  We get points for 3 fruit servings a day and I am certainly eating more like 4-5.  As a dietitian, I always tried to convince others that fruit could be their dessert instead of other higher calorie choices, although I was never really convinced myself.  But on day 3 of no simple sugars whatsoever, I tell you: nothing like sweet cool grapes to satisfy a sweet tooth- nothing like it!

Wk2/Day 9- Activities of Living

Perhaps this is a pathetic way to get my exercise points, but as a busy mom, I have found it's my only practical way.  Most days I just can't find 45 minutes of uninterrupted time to do a 'workout'.  Even when I try to pop in my favorite Zumba DVD, I end up dancing around with a toddler on my hip (probably should get extra exercise points for that). 

So here's how I've been getting most of my points- walking everywhere.  Walking everyone to school to drop off the oldest, then walking downtown to the library, then home, then back to the school to pick up and then back home.  It works quite well for us, because usually 1 or 2 boys are on bikes/scooters, so I have to huff it to keep up. 

I think the world needs to focus more on activities of living, instead of the dreaded exercise, to be healthy.  In fact, the Fit in 6 program I am doing just gives points for time spent being active.  We as a group even decided playing red light/green light with a bunch of kids definitely counts for exercise points. 

Here's some other fun ideas for activities of living that I came across recently.  They come from the Intermountain Healthcare's Weigh to Health Program.

• Take the stairs instead of the elevator
• Walk whenever you can, instead of driving
• Get off the bus/train a stop early - or park farther away and walk
• Stand up while talking on the phone.  And if you have a cordless or cell phone- walk while you talk
• Lose your TV remote control- Get up to change the channels
• At work, use lunch hours and coffee breaks to take a walk around the building
• Use the restroom on a different floor at work and home
• Make social occasions more active- instead of dining out, go dancing, bowling, or hiking
• Schedule walks before or after dinner.  Take the whole family
• Turn weekends into activity days.  Go hiking, biking, or golfing- and bring a healthy picnic along
• Create a "walking carpool."  Take turns walking your kids- and your neighbor's kids- to and from school
• Get a dog and walk it twice a day (this one makes me laugh)

Wk 2/Day 8- The Weigh In!

I decided to live a more normal life and not blog on the weekend.  It was a nice break, but all weekend I was making little mental notes of things to report on Monday.

 Want to know the week 1 weigh in result?  I know I don't have much to lose, but I was pleased to see I am 1 pound closer to my pre-pregnancy weight (yes, still trying to work off baby fat).  On Thursday I was down 1.5 pounds and a little concerned.  Now I know I am not typical in this- worried I had already lost 1.5 pounds in 3 days?!  I knew that, although I had stepped it up in consistent exercise and decreased added treat intake, I had not made a difference of 5,250 calories (this would be the amount I would have had to burn more than I ate, to lose that much weight).  Concerned mostly because I knew the change was simply fluid and therefore could not be sustainable.  I didn't want to gain a pound the next week just out of a fluid re-balance and lose points.  (Oh, points, points, points)


Well, week 1 down!  It went much better than I expected.  On to week 2, which carries an extra challenge- absolutely no simple sugars (not even honey in my steel cut oats).  Now this is an optional challenge and I have chosen to torture myself and take it on.  Honestly I am scared to death because I keep thinking of all the things that have added sugars or places I add a touch of sugar.  But I desperately want to know if I can do it.   Warning: the blog posts for this week may be a little more hostile than usual!

Yesterday, I had the ultimate experience in mindless eating.  I was eating my steel cut oats (with added sugar- that will be no more) in a bowl as I walked around the house doing other things to get ready for church.  (You can probably see where I set myself up- eating is not meant to be multi-tasked.)  At one point I realized I was missing my bowl and I went wandering around the house to find where I had left it.  Frustrated I traced and re-traced my steps and for the life of me could not find my bowl.  I just wanted to finish my breakfast!

Eventually, would you know it, I found my bowl in the kitchen sink.  I hadn't even realized I had finished eating my food and here I had, very responsibly but mindlessly, even cleaned up afterward.  The sad thing is that I had a yummy breakfast to eat and I missed it.  I consumed it, but I was not mindfully present for it.  I missed it.

Wk1/Day 5- I am not a Garbage Disposal

Funny enough- the thing I struggle with the most in regard to mindlessly eating things that aren't part of my diet, is the tendency I have to finish off what's left on my children's plates.  Yesterday, I had to keep telling myself "I am not a Garbage Disposal". 
I believe that happens to me a lot in other situations.  I think "Dang it, I paid for those fries!  I am not going to throw them away just because I am full."  But it's not like I get a refund or prize for finishing them.  My body is NOT a Garbage Disposal!

My diet allows for 3 indulgences a week and last night I took it up on the offer.  Guess what I ate?  The choices in this house are limited right now, so the winner was salt water taffy.  My oldest was at a birthday party and his younger brother was very sad he didn't get to go.  So I told him we would have our own little party. 

We took some treats downstairs and put on a movie.  I hadn't intended to eat anything, but he kept handing me some as he sweetly divided out the spoils.  So I decided it was a party and time for one of my free indulgences.  I jumped on the internet to calculate how many pieces I could have for 150 calories (the free indulgence limit) and determined I could have 4 pieces of taffy. 

I picked out my favorites and knew typically 4 pieces would be gone before I could take a breath (and after the breath I would be reaching for more).  I knew I wanted to enjoy every bit, so I sat down and closed my eyes.  I ate slowing and deliberately and just 4 pieces of salt water taffy hit the spot.  I was completely satisfied.  However, I did have to get up and take the treat bucket back upstairs to keep myself from mindlessly reaching for more.  

After thinking on yesterday's post I realize I may come across as the picture perfect Dietitian that always follows my inner cues and only eats when I am hungry and always stops when I am full.  So here's the real breakdown. 

I eat because:

• I'm hungry
• It's in front of me
• I deserve it- the kids have been naughty and I've had a hard day
• It's yummy and I'm going to eat it all eventually anyway!
• The taste of the last bite is still in my mouth and I inhaled it too fast to actually enjoy it, so I need another bite . . . and another!

I don't eat because:

• I'm full/satisfied
• Too busy- kind of forget to eat
• Too tired- I just worked to fix something for the kids and now all I want to do is go lay down
• I don't deserve it- Now this is a reason probably unique to me and probably requires major counseling or something.  

This diet is showing me more and more what triggers I am susceptible to, because it's making me stop and think "Wait, no!"

Wk1/Day4-The Ever-Present Sweet Tooth

Would you believe me, if I told you I haven't had any sweet cravings this week?
Honestly, I have felt totally content with what I have eaten and not missed the sweets.  And this comes as a total shock to me, because I'm the mom who raids the bag of chocolate chips because I don't have any other chocolate in the house.  Sure it's only Thursday, plenty of time for everything to come crashing down. 

However, I have a theory as to why this is the case.  I don't actually crave sweets- In fact I don't even think much about them when they are not around.  Well, I don't think much about them when they are around and therein lies the problem.  I am an unconscious eater.  I mostly only eat them because they are available and they taste good. 

As evidence for this theory, my husband walked in the door last night and my eyes immediately scanned his arms for food.  My extremely blessed situation means that my chef husband brings home something yummy from work most nights (not this week though).  I had to laugh at myself realizing that I only wanted the food because my husband walking in the door usually preceded something yummy to eat.  I am like Pavlov's dogs- trained to salivate just because of a ringing bell.  Pathetic.  (Poor guy, he's going to read my blog post and think I only greet him with such enthusiasm because he brings me treats.)

Now for the accounting of my day.  You know what diet rule I dislike the most?  The one that seems to be written in stone and accompany every diet out there.  NO EATING AFTER 8 PM.  Last night about 20 minutes to 8:00, I realized I hadn't gotten all of my point worthy foods in.  I went to water my garden and picked off a bunch of cherry tomatoes to take in one more vegetable serving, but was still missing 2 other "good food" servings. 

Now it was totally my fault.  I can look over my day and see where I could have planned better.  But as I stood there watering my garden, I had to decide what principle was most important to me and thus where I had to take a hit in points.  My options: 1. Force in food before 8:00, although I wasn't hungry, just to get the points.  2. Scrap the 8:00 rule and eat them a little later- so that I would still get the good food points, though I would lose points for eating after 8 p.m.  3. Stop eating now- no points for the good food, but no loss of points for eating after 8 p.m.

Can you guess what I chose?  I'll give you a clue for future rhetorical questions . . . My hunger/fulness cues win every time.  I wasn't hungry- so there was no reason to eat.  I finished watering the garden, put kids to bed, read my scriptures, said my prayers, and put myself to bed for at least 7 hours (points, points, points!) 

Wk 1/Day 3- My Obsession

Is this normal?  Day 3 and food has become my obsession.  Every thought is centered around what am I going to eat next.  I live next to my point chart and every time I eat something worth points I run over to mark it off.  It doesn't help that I spend the off-eating hours thinking about my next dieting blog post!

Perhaps a renewed focus on healthy eating is good, but I feel like this much energy spent on thinking about eating is not a balanced thing.  I suspect that it will wear down as the newness of the diet wears off, but I also suspect that this is where "diets" in general come up short.  Too much focus on eating and not enough on living.

So I was just talking with a friend and warned her our conversation might end up in a blog post.  We were discussing our beloved full fat creamy ranch dressing.  We both agreed that low fat salad dressings are disgusting and not worth the calories.  Full fat creamy ranch dressing- definitely worth the calories.  So here we have a dilemma: lose points for good salad dressing, choke down gross salad, or not eat salad for the next 5 1/2 weeks.  Honestly, I am inclined to not eat salad for the next several weeks and that doesn't seem quite right.

This diet plan is actually well balanced in its use of moderation.  You get 3 free indulgences a week (provided they are under 150 calories each) and you can always eat whatever you want and take the hit in points.  However, I still feel punished if I choose to eat certain foods, because I have to walk over to my chart and write down -5 points.    

On a good note!  Here's what I had for breakfast.  Steel cut oats!  I didn't eat it with the mint leaves- they were just for the picture.  My chef husband would not appreciate that I used a garnish that did not compliment the flavor palate of the dish, but it looked pretty.  I also filled it up with lots more fresh raspberries- fruit points.  It was wonderful!

 And since I took a picture of my breakfast cereal, so did my son.  Too funny!

Wk 1- Day 2 Perfect time of year for a diet

Figured the blog needed some pictures for visual appeal.

After dropping my oldest off at school we walked home (at a brisk pace- exercise points for that you know) and decided to play outside until it was time to take the next oldest to preschool down the street.  We went back into the garden with the intent to do some pruning and instead ending up just picking and eating delicious fresh raspberries and cherry tomatoes.  I kept thinking, "Ah, this is easy"- fruit and veggie points!

P.S. Day 2- New multivitamin- much better!

Week 1/Day 2- Cheating on my diet

So you're thinking "Day 2 and already she's cheating on her diet?  This isn't going to go far!"

Actually I fell short on Day 1, so it's even worse than you thought!

Last night we went out to dinner at IHOP because it was Labor Day and who wants to labor to fix dinner on Labor Day?  I bet you think you know where this is going, but no, I did NOT cheat at the restaurant.  In fact, I was quite proud of myself.  I had a delicious balsamic glazed grilled chicken covered in tomatoes and mushrooms with steamed broccoli on the side.  I even took on their only low-fat salad dressing on my salad- Italian- yuck!  (P.S. I could not finish the low-fat Italian flavored salad- but I gave it a good effort).

I was dying for a bite of my husband's country gravy smothered chicken fried steak - but I automatically lose diet points for words like smothered and fried.  So there again I prevailed- no delicious fatty fried steak for me.  I finished off my sons fruit bowl and left the restaurant feeling satisfied.

After we got home and were putting kids to bed, I glanced at the clock- It was 10 minutes to 8:00 p.m.  Diet rule # ---  "Thou shalt not eat after 8 p.m."  I thought, "I just know I am going to be hungry later.  I should eat something now."  But it didn't make sense to eat something when I wasn't hungry, just-in-case I got hungry later, so 8:00 came and went.

However, sure enough about 9:30 when I finished exercising, I was starving.  Now I know the rule is no eating after 8 p.m. and there were even points to earn if you kept to it, but I believe in eating when you are hungry.  Healthy eating or even eating for weight loss is not about will power against your body and my body was asking for food.  So I X'd out the box on my point chart for eating after 8 p.m. and made myself some peanut butter toast and went to bed feeling satisfied.

I missed points, but I think I won that battle.  Do you?

Week 1- Day 1

Most important thing I learned on Day 1- I am switching multivitamins!

So normally I don't take a multivitamin.  For most people, a well balanced diet with plenty of variety is adequate.  However, as part of the fitness competition I am participating in, you get points for taking a supplement- so bring on the multivitamin. 

Several months ago I picked up some Viactive chocolate chew multivitamins, thinking "yum chocolate!  Can't go wrong there."  Okay, you CAN go wrong there!  Multivitamins should not have artificial chocolate flavoring.  I have been burping up "chocolate nutrient taste" all day long.  It's horrid. 

Another thing I learned on Day 1- My body does not like whole wheat pancakes.

We had a fun Labor Day family breakfast this morning at my parent's house.  Lamely, I brought my own pancake batter and turkey sausage to make sure I kept to my diet (didn't want to loose points for white flour).  There was plenty of other good food and I certainly didn't feel deprived as I ate and visited with family.  However, I say "down with whole wheat pancakes." (Are dietitians allowed to say that?)  Flavor- not bad, but it has not sat well with me at all.  Combine that with chocolate multivitamin burps and we are not off to a good start.   

So although today was officially Day 1, I have been paying closer attention to what I have been eating for about a week now.  I knew that the start of this competition was just around the corner and so my little shoulder 'diet devil' kept telling me "oh, enjoy that now, 'cause you're not going to get that again for 6 weeks!"  I realize how strong the urge can be to tank up on treats prior to the start of a diet change.  I haven't bought many treats over the last week, in order to make sure they were all gone before today.  However, last night, I must admit I broke into the treat bucket I have for my piano students and ate several pieces of taffy just to end the day (start the next one) on a good note. 

So here we go- with new multivitamin, a boycott on whole wheat pancakes, and a little excitement with some apprehension over what the rest of the week may hold.